First of all, don't be! You will invariably be judged on your intentions rather than on your actual manners. If it is obvious that you are well meaning, then almost any "gaffe" will be overlooked. If you behave as you would at home, then in general you will be welcomed on your own terms. In the modern business culture, Jordanians are accustomed to using the typical western styles of introducing one. So, you can always use your normal introduction style and it will be accepted.
However, here are some does, some don'ts and some explanations: it is not obligatory to follow them, but this is how anybody knowing a bit about the culture would behave. Most Arabs shake hands every time they meet you and every time they leave you. This applies whether they meet you on the street, in an office, at a conference, restaurant, or at home.
The one being introduced should allow the other person to initiate conversation and then respond accordingly. Formal greetings and partings are used in business settings, social settings, among those who are not related or do not know one another well, and in any situation where a younger person should show respect to an older person. Informal greetings are used among family members, close friends and those of the same age.
We do try to give both sides for men and women, but it just comes out that way, the rules are unquestionably less constraining for a man anyway. General behavior in Jordan follows Arab norms. Be prepared for great politeness and hospitality and be aware that by accepting gracefully you are showing honor to your host. Jordanians like to pay compliments so feel free to reciprocate. Also an Arab man is more likely to mix regularly with "foreigners" than are the women, and is thus less easily surprised in the case of unusual (from the locals' point of view) behavior.
When you are introduced: if you are a man you can shake hands with another man without hesitation. Similarly, if you are a woman you can shake hands with another woman. Note that women who know each other or who feel friendly towards each other usually greet each other by several "cheek kisses". The number tends to vary, usually four or five, but don't worry about that bit.
A man meeting a woman for the first time should wait for her to extend her hand in greeting, if a woman offers to kiss you, then be flattered and let her "lead". You may well find that she shakes your hand at the beginning of the meeting and says goodbye with a kiss. That's fine, and means that your encounter was successful! Touching, long handshakes, grasped elbows, even walking hand in hand by two males is common place in the Arab world. A considerable number of Arabs touches more between the same sex, to show liking–not sex. They hold hands, hug each other, kiss if close friends. As Arab customs and behavior condones the outward display of affection between male friends, one may see Arab men, even officials and military officers, holding hands as they walk together or otherwise converse with one another.
If an individual Arab does not touch you, he does not like you–or he may be trying to restrain himself because you are not used to being touched. A full body embrace, accompanied with hugging, should not be initiated until you are sure that the Arab is a close friend. If the Arab initiates it, participate and consider yourself honored and/or accepted. Contact between the opposite sexes in public is considered close to obscene.
Men should wait for an Arab woman to offer her hand and women should similarly wait for an Arab man to offer his. A man meeting a woman for the first time should wait for her to extend her hand in greeting, many women prefer to avoid touching a man they do not know well. Many men, but especially older men, avoid touching a woman at all if she is not related to them, in that case they may offer an elbow (!) which you should try to shake more or less as if it was a hand. But do it anyhow! A man may also have washed in preparation for prayer: in that case he would avoid touching a woman before praying, whereas another time he is quite happy to offer his hand.
Don't be offended at the number of personal questions that everybody asks. Traditionally, the Jordanian host controls the introduction exchange, not the foreign visitor. The more traditional way for a Jordanian to get to know a foreign visitor is "How old are you?" "What's your job?" "Are you married?" "Where's your husband/wife?" "Do you have any children?" followed either by "How old are they?" or "Why not?" You can also be asked "How much do you earn?" (Remember to divide it by however much seems appropriate according to the country. After these general questions, specific questions concerning the individual, and relating to things you have previously talked about, can be asked.
You can perfectly well ask all these questions right back! If you have any photos, they will be examined with enthusiasm by everybody, never mind that they don't know the people on the photos. This is a good "conversation starter", especially if you have photos of your family or of your home.
Another one is to announce that you would like to learn Arabic, and ask the names of anything you can see. Especially if you note these words down as you hear them, it is a very useful exercise.
There may be a polite invitation to come for tea which you should normally politely decline. The invitation may be repeated numerous times. After the third repetition, feel free to accept.Drinking tea: this is all over! It is polite to accept a second glass: if you don't want it, then you should smile and have a reason for not accepting ("I've been drinking tea all day, I shall have a problem tonight!" is usually very successful, it brings smiles of understanding). You can refuse a third glass if you want to, put your glass back on the tray, and when somebody prepares to pour you some more, place your hand palm down flat over the top of the glass.
If you are offered coffee by anybody Bedouin related, in which include the most population of south Jordan, you should "shake the cup" when you give it back. Not doing so is considered to mean that you want some more! Just tilt it two or three times, slightly and quickly from side to side, holding it between finger and thumb. When you arrive somewhere in response to an invitation or at an official reception of any kind), you will probably be greeted by a senior member of the household (or as senior as is free at that particular moment), offering you coffee. In this case, the coffee is very strong and bitter, and is just a few drops in the bottom of a handle less cup.
Drink it down in one gulp (yes, I know it's also very hot!) and hand back the cup, shaking it as described above. Later, you will probably be offered "normal" coffee, but this is the welcome to the household. Very occasionally you might meet this welcome ritual in a hotel. Behave in exactly the same way, and try not to sneer at all the tourists who don't know how to react to this offer of coffee! Remember that many Arabs do not drink alcohol, don't give alcohol unless you are certain that the recipient drinks.
Note that a good "out" to almost any invitation is "please forgive me, I am dead tired, I must go somewhere and sleep!" the invitation might turn into "why don't you sleep here?" but it is easier to get out of this one and just occasionally it might be accepted with gratitude.
If you are invited to visit a house for a meal or just for tea or tea, here is the usual procedure: first of all, a lot depends on the social status of the household and how accustomed they are to receiving westerners. Take care when sitting. Avoid stretching legs in front of or sitting up higher than others, sitting with the left hand behind the back, or positioning one so the shadows fall upon half of one's body. As usual, we are giving you the simpler households, largely Bedouin inspired. For the higher status households, western standards pretty much apply.
If you are invited for a meal, accept. Sit down with those of your own gender. Follow the lead of your host in eating with cutlery or hands, and always use the right hand. If passed food from someone else's hand, take it as this is an important gesture of acceptance. Leave a little food on your plate when you've finished eating. This is a sign that your host has provided adequately for you, try to avoid eating with your left hand.
One usually takes a small gift for the household. Flowers are a good idea, but you can't always get them if you do find any, then remember that you should take an ODD number and not (for instance) an even dozen. You could also take dried flowers or artificial ones, the latter are pretty cheap so take a nice bunch, and present them like fresh flowers. Chocolates, biscuits or Arab pastries are also very acceptable. Remember that it is not really polite to take something that the household would consider as being very expensive ask the shopkeeper if in doubt, explain the position.
In many households the inmates commonly take off their shoes when entering, but this does vary a lot. You can pretty well know the position by looking at the outside of the front door, if a lot of shoes are lying around, this means take them off. Take off your shoes at the entrance and leave them there before going in. Sometimes oversize slippers are provided for you to put on. Wear slip on shoes or sandals in case. As a general rule, if there is a carpet, you should offer to remove them, if the host says, don't bother, then don't bother unless, of course, you see your hostess glaring behind his back! You will also see if the household in general is barefoot. If you need to use the bathroom, sandals will be offered, you should wear them in the bathroom only.
If you are invited to a meal, then very often the eldest son (or daughter if you are sitting with the ladies) will bring around a jug of water, which he/she will pour over your hand or hands. There will be a basin to catch the water, soap is usually available if wanted, and a towel will be offered immediately. This saves getting up to wash. Sometimes men and women will dine separately if you are invited to the home of someone who is more traditional. However, in most restaurants and business situations men and women will dine together. If you are accustomed to eating with your hands, then offer the right hand only to be washed.
Most people offer two hands anyway. However, when eating, of course use only the right hand. Almost certainly a spoon will be offered, don't hesitate to accept it. Everybody may eat from a common plate; take the food immediately opposite to you only. Somebody will certainly pile up "your" sector with the choicest pieces, eat what you can. Try to be neither the first nor the last to finish eating, it is a good idea to take small spoonfuls and eat slowly. When you are full, say so (pat your tummy and say you couldn't fit in another crumb!).
Add a compliment or two and everybody will be pleased [no need to burp!] In general water is offered only at the end of the meal, there might be a common glass here as well, so drink it down quickly and hand the glass back! When people have finished eating, they will usually get up immediately to wash hands and mouth, without waiting for everybody else to finish. If this happens when you are still eating, then take your time! After that, everybody lies back on the cushions, the men will get out cigarettes and the conversation will begin.
Just to say this: In Arab countries it is not common for a man to ask permission to smoke in the presence of a woman. However he WILL ask permission if he wants to drink alcohol when you are there. You can be pretty sure he won't do that in front of his parents, though, whatever his age!
Hospitality and giving a warm reception to strangers goes back to the culture of the desert. After a meal, coffee will be served, probably tea also after a short interval, or perhaps soft drinks. After this, you should offer to leave; you will be pressed to stay, it is for you to decide how sincere this is roughly base yourself on how animated the conversation has been, how much you are enjoying yourself, how much you think they are enjoying themselves, plus various imponderables which you will recognize exactly for what reason you received the invitation etc. In general, an invitation to supper is not necessarily an invitation to spend the evening.
The ladies: if you are part of a couple, they are unlikely to appear, the same if there are men from outside the household present. If you are a woman alone, they might put in an appearance, and in any case it would be perfectly proper to ask if you could thank them for the meal. However it would not be rude not to do so.
It is an immediate introduction to the female members of the household, who all want to look and perhaps try for themselves. In any case, it would help when the general conversation turns to Arabic or to a subject in which you are completely uninterested, and it is always an infallible ice breaker. Frequently you can also get good advice on what you are doing!
If you are seated on the ground (almost certain if you are visiting the Bedouin!), remember that it is downright insulting to point the bare sole of your foot towards anybody. Most people sit cross legged, and it is a good idea to cultivate this habit! You will see that when they want to stretch out their legs they usually cover their feet with a blanket or towel.
If a guide has taken you to the Bedouin tent in question, he will be prepared to take care of this. However, if you take the initiative, it will be much approved by everybody as showing that you know how to behave! You may well find that your guide treats you quite differently afterwards. You do have the option of consulting him on exactly what to give and to whom, and the same applies if you are invited to something a bit more elaborate when in his company, or in that of any local.
The way to address people: the usual formal/polite/friendly way of speaking to somebody is to call them "Mother" or "Father" of (insert the name of the eldest son, or the daughter if there are no sons). The Arabic is for instance "Um Mohammed" (mother of Mohammed) or "Abu Mohammed" (father of Mohammed). It is not rude to address people by their first names, but usually this is done (contradictorily how very Arab!) either by people who know them very well or by those who know them scarcely at all. If you don't know the name of the son, which is very often the case, you can perfectly well ask: "Abu …?" and he will cheerfully fill in the name for you, "Abu Omar" or whatever. Do try to remember it for the next time!
An older man or woman is usually addressed as "Hadji" (often shortened to "Hadj"') or "Hadja". If you know their first name you can use it as well: "Hadji Har
oun", "Hadja Maryam". Compare this to saying "Sir" or "Madam". You are reasonably well informed about dress. A woman should normally wear fairly loosefitting clothes and cover her upper arms, as well as her shoulders and her knees. Oddly enough, this can be more important than covering her head. Moslems know and accept that nonMoslems go about with the head uncovered, but the rest of it comes under the category of "modesty" and it truly isn't a good idea to be considered immodest.
If you are a woman and are expecting to meet a sheikh or other especially pious man, try to cover your arms right down to your wrist as well as your head. Strictly speaking, you probably don't need to, but he will be much more comfortable with you, and it is a compliment to your host to try to conform to custom at least a little bit.
Men should also cover up pretty well, except perhaps on tourist sites, or of course on the beach. You will practically never see Arab wearing shorts at any other time. It is considered fairly indecent to wear shorts to go shopping, for instance. People probably won't actually SAY anything, or at least not to you, but it isn't pleasant to think about what they might be saying to each other. Short sleeved shirts are perfectly acceptable, but bare chests in public places are not.
Be aware of appearing to be in a hurry when you are among Arabs. For example, during a business appointment or social visit with an Arab, do not look at your watch or otherwise act as if you have little time to talk. Arabs can be very offended by this. Time is much less rigidly scheduled in Arab countries than in western countries.
Avoid putting feet on tables or furniture. Show respect. Refrain from leaning against walls, slouching in chairs, and keeping hands in pockets. Keep from pointing with the feet. Do not show the soles of the feet, as they are the lowest and dirtiest part of the body.
The working week is Sunday through Thursday, generally 9am to 7pm, with a two hour lunch break from 1 to 3pm. Some business people may also be available on Saturdays. During the month of Ramadan, there is no lunch break and work will end around 2 or 3 pm; this is not a good time to do business nor are the other Muslim holidays: Islamic New Year, Birth of the Prophet, Prophet's Ascension, Eid alAdha (variable dates, following the Islamic lunar calendar). Other public holidays in Jordan are 1 January, 30 January (King's birthday), and 25 May (Independence), 10 June (Army), 14 November (King Hussein Remembrance). Easter and Christmas are observed by Christian business establishments Outward Affection and Gestures
Dress more on the conservative side in general. Jordan is one of the more liberal Middle Eastern Countries and Amman is a modern and cosmopolitan country, but it's still better to dress somewhat modestly.
- Do be aware that some more religious people might find it inappropriate to take pictures of women.
- xDress more conservatively if visiting a Mosque
* Take off your shoes at the entrance and leave them there before going in. Sometimes oversize slippers are provided for you to put on.
* Men should not go into a mosque wearing shorts, and women should not go there wearing short sleeves or sleeveless dresses.
- Do not talk loudly.
- Do not walk directly in front of people praying.
- Do not take pictures of people in a mosque, particularly women.
- Do not be surprised to find mosques without furniture, except for the carpet. The "Islamic religion advocates a simple way of life for its followers."
